As most of you probably already know, I recently made a HUGE family/life decision and that was to leave my job of 9.5 years and stay at home with Cooper and Reese. It was a very difficult decision for me as I loved my company and my job but ultimately I felt in my heart that this was the path I wanted and needed to take at least in the near term.
Before having kids I never saw myself leaving the working world as I’m not someone who ever thought staying at home would be right for me and I have always been very focused on my career. Fast forward to when Cooper was born and so much changed for me in terms of what I feel fulfillment from. While I’ve enjoyed working these past two years I’ve also felt a constant struggle with wishing I got to spend more time with Cooper and feeling like I was missing out on so many experiences with him. Trying to balance a drive to be successful at work and as a mom was just becoming too much for me and I often felt I couldn’t be my best at both.
This decision was honestly one of the hardest I’ve had to make in my life because I am giving up a lot by doing this. I’ve worked hard to get where I am and I’ve been really scared to take this leap that involved so much change for me. I ended up taking the leap because you only live once #yolo and I don’t want to have any regrets when I look back on my life when I’m older. Both working and staying at home have their pros and cons and I’m fully aware that this job may feel harder than going into an office but I’m very excited about this new stage and feel blessed that I have the opportunity to do this.
Since making this decision I’ve been asking for advice on how to thrive as a stay at home mom from family and friends in that role. I even posted in a local moms Facebook group here in Charlotte asking for advice and received tons of amazing responses from stay at home moms in my area. I’ve spent some time pulling out all the common themes in the feedback and wanted to share those with you as I know we all want to thrive in this job and don’t always feel like they are. Below are the summarized tips that I’ve received and I hope these are as helpful to you as I think they will be for me.
#1: Get ready in the morning
Whether this means taking a shower or just getting dressed and presentable for the day, Moms have encouraged me to do this because it just makes you feel better. This will likely be leggings and a nursing top or workout clothes for me as that is probably the most “dressed up” I’ll be getting most days but still better than staying in pj’s.
Ive actually started showering at night so the morning isn’t so rushed and I’ve really liked doing it that way so far. Right after I get Reese to sleep I take a quick shower and then still have a couple of hours to hang out before I go to sleep.
#2: Get into a regular routine
This is probably what I’ve heard the most from other moms. They’ve stressed the importance of getting into a routine for what you do each day whether that be activities, cleaning, meal planning, getting out of the house, nap times, etc. as routine can help you feel more productive and ensure you are getting the things done that you want.
#3: Get out of the house everyday
I can totally understand this one and have tried to do this during my maternity leave. I think we can all agree that staying inside all day can start to feel mundane and it’s healthy to either just get outside or go do something to interact with the world. This can be way easier said than done with a baby and toddler though but I’ve found having a plan and getting things ready in advance (maybe the night before) makes it a bit easier.
If you are looking for activities for the kiddos to get out of the house here is my Charlotte Toddler/Baby activity guide here.
#4: Prioritize time with the kids over other chores and errands
I feel like this is one that stay-at-home moms struggle with the most. It’s so easy to spend a majority of the day trying to be productive around the house and time actually interacting and playing with your children suffers.
This one is super important to me because I am choosing to stay home to get more time with the kids and if I don’t actually do that then it defeats the purpose. I think a big part of this one is discussing expectations with your partner on housework (this tip is below) and setting the right expectations for yourself to know things around the house may not be perfect. I feel like a lot of SAHM’s I know put so much pressure on themselves to have a super clean home and healthy home cooked meals that it causes burn out and frustrations for them. I definitely want a “cleanish” house but I really hope to focus on making sure I have the right balance with this so time with Reese and Cooper doesn’t always get sacrificed.
#5: Find your mom tribe
Just like working moms typically have “their people” in the office I’ve heard its crucial to have a network of other moms that stay at home to get together with for that adult interaction and to have friends who understand the stay at home life. It’s also great for for playdates to keep the kiddos entertained.
In addition to face to face interactions having “virtual” mom interaction can also be helpful. This can be through a Facebook mom group or texting/face-timing with friends throughout the day. I’ve been doing this via the Marco Polo App with my friend Megan :).
#6: Find something for you
Whether this be a new hobby, a mom group, exercising, taking a shower, getting your nails done, getting dinner with girlfriends, etc. find something that feels like “you time” to do either during the day or after your spouse gets home at night. You are giving so much of yourself to your kids each day and having something for you can help fill up your tank.
I know this one is hard for both working and stay at home moms and it’s certainly something that I struggle with. Part of it is guilt to miss time with them but its’ also just hard to find the time when things are so busy. I truly believe a happy mom makes a better mom so we should all try not to feel guilty for doing this since it’s so easy to kind of lose yourself when you aren’t investing in yourself at all.
#7: Discuss and set expectations with your partner
This one seems HUGE for thriving in this role and it seems most couples have struggled with having the wrong expectations on both sides at some point. I feel like so many SAHM’s struggle with feeling like their husbands don’t understand their workload and they don’t feel fully supported or that they have a true partnership in parenting when so much of it falls on them. I also think some husbands can have the wrong expectations of what SAHM’s can manage throughout the day and don’t understand how little downtime there really is. I’m also sure many husbands wish their wife understood more about their challenges being the working parent.
Ultimately all of this can lead to big misses in communication that turn into resentment and lots of frustrations for the relationship. This is why so many people have encouraged me to discuss and set expectations on both ends as we go into this new structure.
I firmly believe that regardless of your family structure with working or not you must have a true partnership with your spouse and split responsibilities around the house and with the kids.
#8: With multiple children try to get them napping at the same time
This is obviously to allow for some alone time and a good break throughout the day but can be tricky to figure out. Right now this typically doesn’t happen for me and getting Cooper down for a nap is the most stressful part of my day but I think as Reese gets older it will be easier to make this happen.
#9: Exercise and take advantage of gym childcare services
Exercising just makes you feel better and also feel more productive in a day. Lots of moms have mentioned this whether it be going to the gym or just going on walks with the kiddos. In Charlotte the YMCA’s offer two hour childcare when you are onsite at the gym which is incredible! This way you can do a workout and then still have more time if you’d like to eat lunch, sit by the pool, take a shower, etc. Fortunately I am a member and plan to take full advantage of this!
#10: Give yourself lots of Grace
Maybe most importantly I’ve heard to give yourself grace (cut yourself some slack) especially in the transition to staying at home full-time. Some days will be a disaster and nothing will go as planned and try not to be hard and down on yourself and know that tomorrow will likely be better. Staying with the kiddos is rewarding but also a demanding job and there will be lots of difficult days. We are all just doing the best we can and need to try not to be so hard on ourselves.
Have I missed anything that you feel helps you thrive in this role? Please share if so!