Mom’s Brain Tumor Journey

Now that we are a few weeks past my moms surgery I wanted to share a little more information on the experience and how going through this taught me a lot about trusting in God and giving up control.   I hope by sharing more about this journey it will let others know that may be going through something hard that it’s okay to be scared but God is also so good and faithful.  Put your trust in him and he will hold your hand through it all.  

I also found it very therapeutic to write down my feelings both during and after this experience.  Now that it’s all written down my family will also have this post to return to as a reminder of everything that happened and all that God brought us through.

June 4th was one of the worst days of my life.  I got the call from my mom that I hoped to never receive.  She told me that she had an MRI that showed a large brain tumor and they’d need to do more scans ASAP to learn more. 

You hear brain tumor and you can’t help but go to a very dark and worst case scenario place.  I was shocked, devastated, mad, and heart broken.  Not my mom.  Not the most faithful Christian I have ever met.  Not the person who always puts everyone above her own needs.  It couldn’t be real.  Five minutes earlier everything was great and now my world was crashing down.  My mom is my best friend and I wished I could take it from her so badly.   We had already planned to go see her in Virginia that day anyway and I was so thankful we were able to be with her ASAP.

The following week was so hard going with her to doctors appointments and meeting with surgeons.  God was with us through it all but it was also so hard not to feel scared and worried about what information we would receive after learning more.  Seeing my mom be so strong but knowing that deep down there had to be some sadness and fear was heart breaking. 

I stayed up for hours at night researching and hoping to find all the info we needed.  It’s overwhelming all the things that need to get done when you receive a diagnosis like this including insurance questions, finding a doctor/surgeon, researching your diagnosis and treatment options, etc.  During this time, I was blown away by all the people that jumped in to help us out.  We had friends and family help us find the best surgeons and we had so many people reach out to share their experiences and tips after going through brain tumor experiences themselves.  

We learned that her type of tumor, a meningioma is almost always benign (not cancer) but it was so large that it needed to be removed.  It was awesome news that it was likely benign but we also learned that it was in one of the most complicated locations to remove in the brain – her motor area which controls all movement and some speech.   We decided on Duke and specifically one of the best brain surgeons in the country since this surgery came with lots of major risks that were really stressed to us in the meeting with him.  His communication style was not very reassuring but we knew he was the best and she needed the best.  He has actually performed more surgeries in this area of the brain than any other surgeons in the US and even performed Ted Kennedy’s surgery when he had his tumor removed.  

Jumping forward to her surgery, my whole family decided to go to Durham together and rent a house.  Even though only one of us could visit her in the hospital due to Covid restrictions we all wanted to be there for each other  and be as close to Mom as possible.  When we initially  decided on Duke, visitors weren’t allowed in the hospital at all and that upset me so much.  The thought of her going through everything on her own was heartbreaking and unimaginable.  Her surgery was scheduled for two weeks out since we already had a beach trip planned with Michael’s side of the family and low and behold while we were gone the visitors restrictions changed to allow one person to visit from 1-9pm each day.  I know for a fact God was part of that and we were so happy the change happened just when we needed it to.  

The night before her surgery I was with her in her room and the surgeon stopped by and asked if she was ready.  He then said “remember this is a very serious surgery with lots of risks.  I’ll see you tomorrow”.  That night was so hard being left with that as his last words to us and those next few hours with my mom will be remembered as some of the best and hardest moments of my life.  We were scared but we played worship music, prayed and worshiped God together and it was such a powerful time.  We both felt a peace come over us and knew that he was going to take care of her. 

The last time I prayed with her before surgery (at 5am the next day since they let me walk with her to surgery) was the most desperate prayer I’ve ever prayed.  It was a moment of placing all of my hope completely on God to take care of her and I will be forever changed by those prayers.  As I walked out of the hospital I saw this beautiful sunrise pictured below and felt a calming peace that God was reminding me of how awesome he is.  

Her surgery began at 7am and lasted until 12:30pm.  It was about an hour longer than we expected so that time period was excruciating.  We sat outside the hospital since we couldn’t be inside due to Covid and prayed and prayed. When we got the phone call that all had gone well we all broke down – thanking God for answering our prayers.  After having so much anxiety over the past weeks, hearing those positive words were so so amazing!!!

And now here we are a little over two weeks post surgery and my mom is doing so well.  Her first few days were hard but since then she’s gotten better and better every single day.  I am so shocked at how well she has done and was up moving around just a day or two after surgery.  It’s been an honor helping take care of her when she has taken care of me for 35 years.  We are all so thankful God answered our prayers and healed her through the surgeons hands.  We’ve also received the pathology report and it’s officially not cancer.  What a huge blessing!!

I already knew this but this experience further showed me that my mom is one of the strongest and most faithful people I know.  She has trusted God through all of this and knew he would provide a good outcome for her.  She even led her surgical team in prayer before they put her to sleep – not everyone would have felt comfortable doing that.  She is truly amazing and is an inspiration to me.

Going through this time with my mom has forever changed me and I have grown in ways that I didn’t even know I needed to grow.  When you feel that one of the most important people in your life could get taken away your perspective on life and what truly matters is altered even when you thought your priorities were already in line.

This experience has taught me about what it means to give up your control and rely completely and wholeheartedly on God.  Honestly, I thrive on control and tend to have anxiety around health related stuff with myself and people I’m close with and I couldn’t control this and that was so so hard for me.  Nothing I could do could change this except for praying like I’d never prayed and giving it over to God.  Through those prayers I felt what it means to be held by God and for him to give you a peace and strength that is not your own – only from him.   

I also learned how much people show up for you when you need them the most.  These few weeks have been some of the hardest of my life and I have been blown away by how my friends and family and even total strangers have dropped to their knees in prayer, offered help/assistance in so many ways, called and text with words of encouragement and overall just been there for our family to give us support. There is a lot of bad in our world right now but this experience reminded me that there is so much good out there too.

God never said we wouldn’t face trials but he did say he’d hold our hands through it.  I can confidently say my hand was held tightly and I’ll never be the same.  I am sure this won’t be the last challenge we face as a family but next time we will be even stronger and more confident in our faith.

Below is a video that I made to document our journey.  The song “Fear No More” by The Afters was one we all listened to a lot and it helped get us through the experience.